September 4 2015 Friday
I
never knew
I never knew this would be the last summer, the last Sunday, the last conversation, the last meal, the last holding hands, the last shopping spree, the last trip with my mother. Had I known, I would have stayed with her the whole summer vacation. I would not have taken the Balkan trip. I would not have arranged the massage on that Sunday. I would have lingered longer after the meal. I would not have let go of her hands to go to the canteen for lunch. Only now I realized why she was nagging for round-the-clock companionship. She would not want to leave this world alone. She didn’t. We were all there. Oh how I regret not to have treasured her more! Why was it I couldn’t see it coming? She knew her days, hours and minutes were on countdown. But we were not sensitive enough! She had always been such a fighter! Only a week after the operation, she was discharged from the hospital with the doctor declaring that her recovery was satisfactory. And yet when home, she was not her strong agile self anymore. She was so feeble and fragile that she seemed to have shrunk. Five days later, she complained of breathing difficulty and was rushed to hospital on the sixth day. She died two days later at 11:35 in the morning on September 2 Wednesday because of multiple organ failure. Now she is lying all alone in the freezing box awaiting cremation. She would love to have her hair done and cheeks moisturized. Mom, I miss you so! I could have done better!
